Introducing…Little Miss Texas Lone Star!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a pageant winner among us!

There is an incredible story explaining how our youngest got involved with pageantry–more of a story than I have energy to give right now.     I’ll just say that the Lord really does order our steps–that is, when we are willing to step obediently into His plan.    I’m not a pageant person at all, so this event was not one that I championed.   Also, as the time grew nearer, there was mass confusion and plenty of reasons not to go.    Yet, I have to say that if our daughters entered a pageant, this would be the one–no heavy make-up allowed, Christ-filled (though not a Christian pageant per se) with a focus on verbal/ introduction skills.   None of that Toddlers and Tiaras crap here.    When she won was given the crown at the local level, we never saw this blessing coming.

Who’d have thought this beauty began here, in the middle of our 2-day hair straightening process?   And my, how long her hair has grown!    Hadn’t done this since this time last year–more on that in an upcoming post.

She’d probably be embarrassed that I posted that last picture.   Thankfully, she didn’t stay that way for long.   Once we got Cinderella all “gussied up,” she looked splended in her casual outfit.

The hotel lights really didn’t help me out on this shot at all.

In addition to the casual modeling, the littlest ones also needed to model a more formal outfit.

With this being her very first experience of this type, we had coached long and hard regarding how to respond if she didn’t win anything–not crying (at least not in an inappropriate place), recognizing the blessings that did happen, and basking in God’s word about His work in her being marvelous.   But once she took home the crown, sash, and trophy, this smile just about says it all–elated, relieved, proud, and very, very thankful to the Father for His ”yes” answer.

Judge Not, Less…

 

“So, where do your children go to school?”

If you’ve homeschooled a minute, you’re well aware of the whirlwind of emotions that swirl within you when you respond, “We homeschool.”     The moment in time almost freezes while you wait for that follow-up question, comment, or unsolicited advice.   I read an interesting article not too long ago about the responses of others when you make a decision to homeschool.     Though I like to think that I am past caring what others think–at least in that area, I can remember the days when approval mattered as much as any other homeschooling-related decision we made.   Coming from families of public school educators on both sides, our choice to educate our children at home was not taken lightly–by anyone.

I have often stated that one of the nuances about choosing to homeschool is that you must speak from a place of confidence long before you have it.   Moreover, once you do become confident, or have even feigned confidence long enough, it’s not a far jump to arrogance and/or judgment of others because they don’t homeschool.    I can remember that phase of my own homeschooling journey when I thought people who chose not to homeschool were just missing out.   I became particularly condescending when other parents would state very plainly that they lived in the la-te-da school district, and so they had no reason to homeschool.   Of course, my response was often prompted by a comment like, “Well, if I lived in your district I’d homeschool, too.”    This was the one time that I defended our local public school and its Texas-exemplary status.

To be sure, homeschooling is not for everyone, and we shouldn’t be too upset with those who will say, “Ooo, child, I just don’t have the patience for that,” or something similar.   Our decision to homeschool, for whatever reason, is our decision; it works for our household and family structure.   Returning rudeness with rudeness does not allow us to minister grace.   How do we steer clear of judgment?   How do we acknowledge our choice without belittling someone else’s?

1. Understand our own emotions.    We need to dig into that whirlwind and understand what those emotions are and why they are there.   Years ago, I heard a pastor make a statement that was very powerful for me at a time in my life when I was truly struggling with feeling cast out and rejected.   His comment was that people don’t actually hurt your feelings; they just brush against sensitive areas that you’ve not surrendered to Christ yet.   Wow.   I’d never thought about it that way!   Could it be that the hurt I was feeling was because another person stated aloud some subconscious pain I’d been dealing with all along?   Could it be that someone else’s comment of “How are you going to homeschool your children?” really stings because it’s occurred to you that you might not be able to homeschool?  Acknowledge their concern, regardless of how obnoxious it may be, with something like, “Yeah, that has occurred to me, but…” and then begin to minister in wisdom.

2. Learn the facts.   For you to minister in wisdom, you must grow in wisdom.   There are an overwhelming number of articles that point to the tangible and intangible facts about homeschooled children.   Reading some of this information not only helps you with the sister(s) or MIL who is put out that you think you can do what they were formally educated to do (that’d be me and my house), but knowing some facts will also give you the encouragement you need, especially in those days when the fruits of homeschooling are still germinating.

3. Understand the nature of people.    As sad as it is to say, human nature is to respond negatively to things with which we are unfamiliar.  Every now and then, you might receive genuine curiosity about homeschooling.   Caught on the wrong day, this can be aggravating for me because I don’t always feel like answering the typical questions about reporting, socialization, testing, etc.   But then again, when I’m aware of my own emotions, I recognize my mental fatigue and fight through it–you never know when you might be an angel unaware to another homeschooler-to-be!   Yet, I’m convinced that people sometimes respond negatively because they have little or no experience with homeschooling, and because it is not the status quo–always a source of mild anxiety for some.   When I consequently hear about their friend/ relative/ someone they knew who had a horror story of a homeschool journey, my simple response is, “Oh, well, that’s not been our experience.”

Also realize that we all want the best for our children; some of us just form different opinions about how to get there.   The parents that move to a certain area in order to place their child in a certain public school are doing this for the same reason that you have taken your child out of the public school system altogether.   Allow them the same freedom of choice that you would want for yourself.   

4. Give others–and yourself–time.    You will not slay every dragon that comes in the form of an unsolicited, unwelcomed response all at once.    If we are honest, some of the concerns might be legitimate, and we owe it to ourselves and our children to think about the question and do the homework required to be sure there is not a budding issue.   As a personal example, several years ago, one of my sisters, an English teacher by formal training, questioned our choices for literature, especially poetry.   As one whose love for poetry is still germinating (lol), I could have responded defensively.   But she was right; regardless of my own personal feelings, I owed it to the children to at least expose them to rhythm and rhyme and rhyme scheme and…ugh.     Just last week I was telling her and another sister that our oldest was accepted into the Honors program at our local community college.   And though I’ve homeschooled long enough now until the children’s development is pat on the back enough for me, it felt good to hear the two of them say, “You are doing a great job.”   People may question your methods all day long; what they cannot knock is your fruit.

How do you respond to people’s comments after saying “We’ homeschool”?    Hopefully with all the knowledge that you can muster in the moment, all the wisdom of someone who is ever hoping to improve, and all the grace and mercy of a child of God.   Blessings, dear friends.

A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle. (Proverbs 18:19 NJKV)

If I could relive one day…

For any WordPress bloggers out there, do you ever pay attention to the writing prompts that once appeared each time you write a new post?    I never paid much attention to them as my struggle with blogging isn’t usually what to write about, but instead finding the time to write about anything!   But last summer (see what I mean about finding time?) I saw a suggestion for a post that grabbed me and made me think, and I have had that title drafted since last August.

The title?   “If you could relive one day of your life, what day would that be?”   There are many days that came to mind: the day I married my husband, the day I raised my hands in complete surrender to Christ, the day that we birthed each of our children, the last conversation I had with my mom or my dad—the list goes on endlessly.   But if I had to pick one day, I would have to pick the day that I graduated from high school.

When I read that prompt, I thought so much about high school; if there was ever a time in my life when I was almost constantly on cloud nine, it had to be high school.   I wasn’t an athlete, though I did suffer through (I should say my teammates suffered through) one year of softball.   I wasn’t a cheerleader; it was too expensive, and I wasn’t a gymnast, or even particularly limber.   I was a brainiac, and proud of it.   I loved that my name was one of the first to come up any time there was a conversation about the “best of’s…”   I enjoyed all the privileges that came with being teacher’s pet, and considered the best and the brightest.   Don’t get me wrong; my life had its hardships, but I truly consider these my “golden years,” given that I haven’t hit 50 just yet.

My mind travels through a number of teachers, and I wonder who is still alive.   Inevitably, I ponder my friendships, most of which, if at all existent, have dwindled down to a series of back-and-forth exchanges on Facebook that succinctly wrap up my life for the last ~30 years since graduation.   As an aside, because like most of us, I don’t see myself as others see me, I look at current pictures of the most popular, the most beautiful, the most likely to succeed, etc., and I marvel at the gray hair, the expanded waistlines, etc.—as if I’m still the firecracker that I was all those years ago.   HA HA!!

As I continue to allow my mind to drift over these most precious of days, I can’t help but think about my dreams.   With my limited exposure to corporate America and the nature of business, I embraced the same “I’m every woman” type of expectations that many of us do at that age—queen of my industry and a modern-day princess, looking like a supermodel and managing my house,  my husband and many children with flawless execution.   I’ve shared that Claire Huxtable dream turned nightmare before.

Anyway, it amazes me how much of my dreams centered upon external appearances.   At 17, I wouldn’t have known better, but I marvel at how much of what I wanted for myself was a function of what I wanted others to think of me.   And as life dealt me some cruel realities that deviated from my fantasy, I probably spent some time, though I’m not cognizant of it, in some level of depression about the things that didn’t happen.   I sure hope I didn’t subconsciously take out any frustrations on those closest to me.

The thing is, when I look at what I wanted then, and where I am now, I realize how fantastic my life truly is.   No, I don’t have some of the trappings that I thought so critical to being a success at that tender season in my life.   AND, I’ll add that the few “trappings” that I do have, like this ample space for the five of us to live, I don’t value anywhere near as much as I once did.   I realize that when we bought this home, I (I won’t speak for my husband) had fallen into a trap of believing that the bigger your home is, the better your life should be.   Honestly, I’m looking forward to the season of our five becoming three and moving into something more cozy.

I never dreamed of being a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom.  I never dreamed of owning a business.    I never dreamed of educating my own children.   I never thought I’d teach adults.    I never dreamed of using my gifts to uplift the body of Christ as I’ve been allowed to over these years.  Most importantly, I never dreamed of how pleasurable some of life’s sweetest joys can be, like waking up in my husband’s arms after he’s been away for a few days, or having him as my very best friend, or receiving hugs from the kids first thing in the morning, or watching my eight-year-old sleep recharge.

So, if I could relive one day, it might be the day that I graduated from high school.   But, I’d want to take these memories with me so that I could really be excited about my future—not the shallow, materialistic fantasy crafted for me while watching too much TV during those teenage years, but what real life has created.   In this latter vision are my biggest  accomplishments and my life’s greatest joys.

How about you?   What one day would you relive?

Embracing Spring

Are you ready for a new start?    Are you looking for a clean slate?    Think about embracing the newness of spring, and all that it brings.   I wrote all about this season’s promises in this month’s Heart of the Matter Online edition.   Enjoy.