What’s this Whole “Natural Hair Thing” About, Anyway?

I was thrilled when my young friend Elora asked me to write this article for her blog, Puellae Naturali Oasis , or rather, the Natural Girls’ Oasis.   For those who are interested in a more concise summary of why I decided to transition from my perm to my natural hair, enjoy.

 

BTW, here’s a shot of me with our son, sporting a twist-out with my most recent cut.   The oldest maneuvered the scissors–a fact in which she’s quite proud.    I think she did a fantastic job, yes?

 

 

My Natural Hair Journey, Chapter 5: Chh-Ching!!

At this point, I could write a small post on what people don’t tell you about transitioning back to your natural hair.   Lesson 1: it is not cheap from the standpoint of either time nor money.   

For 30 years, my routine for hair care involved a 6-8 week chemical straightening of my roots (commonly called a perm), then a weekly wash and condition, with a heat-laden finish (blow-drying and flat-ironing).   

Now my routine involves everyone in my family and everything but the kitchen sink.    Correction: sometimes even the kitchen sink is involved. 

Before:

After (avocado, honey, olive oil, and other sundry items not included):

The perm was $60, with tip.   Having eliminated those, I’m saving about $500 a year.   If I’m not careful, I’ll spend every dime of it on natural hair products.

There are less expensive ways to make this adjustment for sure, but I’m discovering that my hair journey really is an extension of what is happening to me personally.   I’m committing to long-term health and wholeness with a vengeance as I embrace middle age (did I just say that?!)

What that has meant to me is a HUGE investment of time–to learn what works for others, and, through much trial and error, find what works for me.     And here’s the kicker: while learning what works for me, I’m also having to learn what works for our two girls, who have two different hair textures (more on that below).      

 There is also a financial investment required.   It is not hard at all to become a product junkie as I move through both sucessful and failed experiments, and redefining what healthy hair means to me personally.     I have enough of various oils in this house to have squeezed every fruit and nut known to man.  Olive.  Shea.   Almond.  Jojoba.   Coconut.   And I have the audacity to walk into GNC looking lustfully at the grapeseed.    Also, that’s just the oils!    It doesn’t include my vegetable glycerin, the aloe vera gel, and the wish list, otherwise known as the I’m-going-to-buy-this-after-my-hair-is-all-natural list.   It’s no wonder that the hair boards often refer to Whole Foods Market as the “Whole Check” Market.   Hilarious.

Having said that, I’ve also had to back up from my  anti-store-bought-hair-products radicalism.    I got started on this kick when  a fellow homeschooler said of herself and her infant daughter, “We don’t put anything in our hair that we can’t eat.”    Though our son has cracked numerous jokes about that comment, it made such sense to me.   What’s on your head soaks into your skin just like a lotion or other body product.  So I totally abandoned what I’d done for years.   I then realized (after a couple of failed experiments) that  there are store-bought products that work wonderfully well, especially on the oldest’s 3C tresses.     Her hair loves Pantene’s Deep Moisturizing Treatment and Garnier Fructis Leave-In Conditioner.   I switched from the petrolatum-based product I used for years for moisture and found that jojoba oil suits her just fine.

 

 

This is the youngest’s curl pattern, taken as I was twisting her hair.    You can see the hair as it looks wet on the right-hand side of this photo.

 

I think our youngest daughter’s curl pattern is closest to mine.  

 

 

What does my hair love?   Honey (just a small taste to avoid stickiness) and coconut oil.   So here’s my hair regimen as of right now:

 Cost of co-wash 1-2x a week with Oyin Handmade Honey Hemp Conditioner that doubles as a leave-in: ($18 for 16 oz. bottle)

Cost of  moisturizing with coconut oil, or a shea butter/oil souffle with light shea butter every other night:  ($13 for coconut oil, initial cost for ingredients for shea butter souffle, $60 (however, everything except the $12 shea butter is used in tsps, so it lasts forever)

Cost of  deep conditioning monthly with a homemade mix of avocado, honey, and olive oil: ($9-10 initially, but only have to repurchase the <$1 avocado after that) 

Cost of the oldest saying, “Mom, I’ve never seen you with this much hair before!”:  priceless.

My Natural Hair Journey, Chapter 4: On Being Transformed

 If you want to lose weight and keep it off,  fad diets and sweat suits won’t do it; you must change the way you think about eating and exercise.

When you get serious about being debt-free, you can’t keep credit cards surrounded by a block of ice in the freezer or buried in the backyard; you must re-think the terms needs vs. wants, and liablilities vs. assets.

Ridding myself of my chemically straightened hair and allowing God’s plan A for me to manifest itself isn’t as simple, for a variety of reasons, as just going perm-free and then cutting it at some point in the future.    I have to rid myself of what others say about me and transform my thinking about what God sees as beautiful in me.

Be not conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.   Then you will be able to test what is the will of God–His good, pleasing and perfect will.                                                                  Romans 12:2

In my last chapter, I talked about what Earl Graves described as the code, i.e., an unwritten set of rules that conform our appearance to that of the mainstream around us.      Soon after that, I read a very in-your-face article on  Nappturality.com entitled “Natural Hair is Professional, Are You?”

The ladies at Nappturality have an attitude.   I mean that in a good way.    Their declaration on their home page includes the following statement:

‘If you are still relaxing your hair you are welcome here, however be warned…We don’t debate the wonders of relaxing and we don’t talk about the benefits of chemical or heat straightening on Nappturality because frankly, there aren’t any benefits to using high heat or that caustic chemical. There are other ways to show your length without such damaging practices. But we all had to start our journeys somewhere…Just be aware that those of us here who are napptural are committed to being napptural and spreading the word of nappturality.  We don’t like relaxers.    And we don’t sugarcoat that fact.’

Admittedly, I’m not there yet.    I’m still looking in my rear view mirror on some days after waking up to all the uncertainties of my transitioning hair–should I have put something on it last night, how much was too much, is it time to do something else, etc.     But I get the point.    I have to change my way of thinking about what is beautiful about hair, and I have to do something that life experiences have trained me not to do: think of my natural hair as something beautiful.    After subjecting my hair to heat and later, to sodium hydroxide, beginning at about age 7, I must become increasingly comfortable with terms like ‘kinky,’ and ‘curly,’ and perhaps even ‘nappy.’     I must learn to view my God-given waviness as something other than a sign to schedule an appointment at the salon.

Where does all that negative, stinking thinking come from?   The easier question would be where doesn’t it come from.    Even on natural hair boards, it becomes quickly obvious that, even amongst the liberated, Afro-wearing (or something else like it) minority, there is something better about having longer hair.    Add to that the fact that my hairline says I’m growing older wiser, and the support simply dwindles.    It amazes me that our society considers a man with salt-and-pepper strands distinguished, but a woman is encouraged to run, not walk, for a bottle of dye.   I can remember my oldest sister–16 years my senior–giving me a hard time about my gray hairline, saying that she’d have no sisters that look older than she does.   Now, bless her heart, she has enough health challenges that a few gray strands are the least of her worries.

 There are hair classification systems out there designed to help you with understanding your hair type and what products help you take care of it.    Most notable is that of Andre Walker, former Oprah Winfrey stylist and Emmy award winner.    His descriptors for my hair type include the following:

• wiry (correction: very wiry)
• fragile (correction: very, very fragile)
• fine/thin to wiry/coarse
• lots and lots of strands densely packed together
• known to shrink up to 75% of the actual hair length

Who’d get excited about growing a head full of that?   In his defense (not that he needs my help), his use of adjectives on other hair types isn’t much more encouraging.    I prefer to think of my ability to manage my coif  in a more empowering way, even if I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet. 

Having said all of that, here is my 2-textured hair.    You can see the wavier/ curlier new growth at the scalp line, and then my chemically straightened hair attached to it.    These pictures were taken in February, so I’ll probably take more in April simply to see if there is a substantial difference.   At any rate, I don’t consider it wiryor nappy.    I’m loving it more each day, and often find myself running my fingers along the waves. 

Here’s a close-up (too close, maybe?):

It occurs to me as I draft this that I’ve put more “work-in-progress”  pictures of myself on this blog in the last three months than I’ve put on here in the last 4-1/2  years!   I’ve placed most of my transition pictures to date on Facebook, for the eyes of friends only.   I’m still experimenting with what to share and where, but as long as people are getting something out of these posts, I’ll continue to share them here.   

This was the result of my first two-stranded twist-out.

I’ve seen this style on others and I love it, but mine is definitely a rough draft.     One of the problems is that my relaxed hair is ‘thin and fine,’ a term I loathe, but that I’ve had to reckon with after an extended use of generic products years ago left a good bit of my hair in the trash can.     I am thinking that I’ll try this style once again after several months, when more of my new growth has come, and my hair should be thicker.   I will say, though, that for the 1-1/2 weeks that I wore my hair in this style, I enjoyed not having to sleep in hair rollers.   Boy, has that been an adjustment from the ponytail I once wore to bed.

These are my youngest daughter’s two-stranded twists (not taken down).    I envision that mine will look this way next year.     Funny, when I tried this style on her years ago, her hair was much shorter, and it was before I went to school, so to speak, regarding natural hair care.   The result was short, dry-looking ”puffs,” and I swore off the two-stranded twist for her hair and reserved it for my older daughter, whose hair is more naturally curly.    This time as I progressed with her twists, I was shocked at how much longer her hair was,  and how well her twists stayed in place for a week (in spite of the fact that a night scarf comes off her head within 5 minutes of falling asleep).

I love how much she loves this style.   Moreso, I loved hearing her tell her Sunday School teachers when asked about it, “I’m going natural.”   Hilarious, since she’s always had her natural hair.    She picked up that phrase from hearing me say it, but I’m thrilled that she’ll never have to detoxicate from a way of thinking that lends itself to dyed, fried hair.    She already knows that God’s creation in her is beautiful.

My Natural Hair Journey, Chapter 3: On Style

 ’You have a statement you want to make? Make it after you get the job.’   E. Richardson, friend and hiring manager, speaking to other African-American men who interview with him wearing braids or locks

‘God loves you, and I’m sure your family loves you, but if you want to move up, eventually, you will cut your hair.’      E. Graves, Founder and CEO of Black Enterprise Magazine, spoken to a young African-American male teacher sporting long cornrows.

The quotes above are real-life experiences for me, and people that I respect and admire who state in their own way that there is a code, so to speak, of what is acceptable for an African-American professional, at least in certain work environments.    There is a scene from the movie “Good Hair” in which a group of law school students sit together, and one young lady addresses another Afro-clad sister, stating candidly, “I don’t think that, with that hair, anyone is going to take you seriously.”    She was alluding to the code.    Unfortunately, the styles that I often see promoted as the latest and greatest in natural hair don’t agree with the code.

I see a number of styles that are more common, and therefore, I assume, more acceptable, in metropolitan areas that are predominately African-American.

In my local area, we have a homeschool community of moms with natural hair, but they either don’t work, or don’t work for someone else.    Amongst my own homeschooling circle are, among others, an attorney and a biologist, both with permed hair.

Perhaps the biggest question mark in this entire transition back to my God-given hair is, how will I wear my hair once I’ve gotten rid of my perm?    That question helps me understand why so many refer to their transition as a hair journey.     The change from one style to the next really isn’t major.    What has far more reaching impact for you personally is all those thoughts that you obsess over during the months that you are waiting for this new, unfamiliar hair to grow in–how will others see me, how will I see myself, what statement do I want to make, what statement do I need to make, what if this doesn’t work out like I planned, etc.    The list grows on and on.   Bear in mind that when I say “see” here, I’m not talking about visual connection as much as I’m talking about a connection that moves past the outward appearance and desires to know who’s on the inside.    

With<1 inch of new hair, a long-term style isn’t a major consideration for me right now, but as my hair grows and breakage becomes more of a factor, I have to educate myself regarding how to style my hair with less heat, and more focus on allowing the new hair to grow out healthy and strong.   Much of that education has come via a new (or rather, new to me) favorite natural hair website, NaturallyCurly.com.    I’ve been able to see sisters with a number of variations in style, and get some ideas as to how I might change my own look from time to time (once I have enough hair to do it!)     It sounds silly to think that I’d locked in mentally on one style, but for someone who hasn’t spent much time with her hair since the kids came, an investment of this type of time and energy is new for me–hence, the much-needed education.    

Since I made a decision to let my natural hair grow out approximately 9 weeks ago, I’ve continued to care for my two-textured hair as if it were all one texture–permed.   And though I didn’t flat iron my new roots, I blow-dried all of my hair and then flat-ironed the ends for my normal lengthier look or an optional ponytail as the curls fall out during the week.    Then this week, after reading about deep conditioners that are good enough to eat, I used the avocado-honey-olive oil mixture and I saw these beautifully shiny, S-shaped curls growing out of my scalp, the same ones I marvel over in my younger daughter’s hair.   It’s a shame that I’ve worked so hard to get rid of these for the last 30+ years.    Had I paid more attention to them, I might have made different decisions.

One bit of wisdom I did pick up was to work and master one style before venturing into multiple hair don’ts, so I started with a twist and curl.

My husband kept making jokes about using my head to get HBO with these things in.

Now he keeps trying to show me his “antennae.” 

Seriously, this is a totally different look than I’ve sported for the last 10 or more years.   After our second child, our son, I just didn’t take the time to sit for hours under a dryer, or to experiment, period.   So this has been me since about my early 30′s:

I will continue to work on my twist and curl, determining the right combination of twist and curl.   I also need to see how long this style lasts before I start to look like a hot mess.    My gauge right now is about 3-4 days.

This morning I conducted my own unofficial poll on natural versus unnatural hair wear while attending a faculty meeting.   In a room of approximately 200 people, about 20% of the population was African-American women.   I saw lots of what I assume are perms, and probably a few weaves.   There were three women wearing their natural hair, and two of the three wore teeny-weeny afros (TWAs).     By this time next year, I wonder what I’ll wear?

P.S.

After talking about how hard it would be to “fire” my stylist, I called her to check in and to let her know why she hadn’t seen me since mid-December.   Her suggestion was that, once I had a head of natural hair, I could come in and let her flat-iron it every two weeks.    Guess that season is over after all.