My Natural Hair Journey, Chapter 9: The Tortoise or the Hair

(Yes, I know the story is exactly about a “hare,” but cut a lady a small break, alright?)  

 

I wonder at times if I spend too much time talking and writing about my hair journey. I pray constantly that it not become an idol. One of my sisters noted that, from her point of view, “Every time I look on Facebook, I see something about your hair!” Yet, the hair journal posts continue to be my most popular entries, drawing more searches than anything I write about homeschooling, family, or faith. Candidly, I’m not sure how to feel about that. More recently, another friend wrote me a letter saying that I’d been very quiet about my hair journey as of late. So I suppose I’ll stay with my monthly “chapter,” and pray that my thoughts will continue to bless and encourage readers. Sorry, sis.

Having said that, there are times when I look at ladies who are much farther down the natural hair path than I am, and I get envious.

There are times when I wash my hair, feel the newly-natural area toward the nape of my neck, and I love the softness, the curls, and the easy comb-through after I wash it.

There are times when I think, “I’m ready to be done with this transition thing. I should just BC and be done with it.

“BC” is an abbreviation common to any natural hair community; the actual term is big chop, or rather, the point at which you cut off the permed hair and essentially start over with an almost naked head of virgin hair. Dependent upon when you decide to cut and how much hair you are losing, “big” can be an understatement. Of course, if I stay with my current thinking, my big chop will actually be one final trim after a series of trims that gradually take off one inch or so at a time.

But I must admit that I get tired at times—tired of the line of demarcation that I spoke of in chapter 7 and the associated detangling at that place, tired of feeling the thin, permed hair at the ends, and more so, what that old hair now represents in terms of my own thinking about beauty and about self. I often think about all of my Bridges’ training on change management during my corporate days. One of the quickest ways to move into the new state of being, according to Bridges’ model, is to reward the new behavior and symbolically bury the old. If I follow suit, I would go ahead and get it over with: just cut off my permed hair and move forward. I have enough hair to do this now without resembling my husband’s college cut fade (smile).

So, I’ve been experimenting with various protective styles and paying special attention to the section of my hair that is now completely natural. For the 1^st time, I tried a flat twist–WORLDS of curls here, making my hair look even shorter than it normally would.

I wanted an ultra-conservative look for my 1^st night back teaching on a brick-and-mortar campus, so I wore a headband to tie up my curls.

I realized at this point that I am sooooo not ready for short hair. I’m simply not adjusting well to having no hair on my neck. Funny, I wore my hair on campus in this style for two weeks, allowing the curls to gradually loosen. By week two, I looked like former NBA star Ben Wallace.

Source: http://celebrityethnicity.blogspot.com/2011/02/ben-wallace-ethnicity.html

One of my students, a hairstylist, came to me and said softly, “I do natural hair, too.” Of course, she could have meant this in a completely different way than I took it, but later I laughed out loud—a point of victory for me over what might have been a sensitive moment at another time in my life. I was looking like one hot mess and she had every right to let me know she could help; I’m definitely a work-in-process, and hopefully becoming a work-in-progress.

I could cut out the perm; as others would say, “It’s only hair.” I’m not so sure. For me, it’s also about a life mission and ministry. As my friend Keri Mae penned so eloquently when discussing her dilemma of whether or not to dye her gray(incidentally, this is her most popular post–ha ha!), hair is about perception and reception. And when your heart is to show Christ in shoe leather, you don’t dare take lightly any change that might hinder your opportunity to ‘let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven’  (Matthew 5:16).

So, when is the right time to complete the big chop? When I’m good and ready, but not right now.  My next trim would be in two weeks, but I’m going to slow down and see what my hair does between now and the year’s end.   Most importantly, I am going to stay slow and steady like the tortoise, and win my race.   Be blessed, my friends.

 

P.S. After seeing the back of my hair, the Belizean beauty Caula wrote, “Nice definition–have you cut it again?”   Oi.

My Natural Hair Journey, Chapter 8: When Momma Goes Natural…

…everybody goes natural.

One of the first items on my to-do list when I decided to transition to my natural hair was to get rid of many of our store-bought hair remedies and replace them with products that use natural ingredients, many of which I could even make at home.

I love the ability to raid the pantry shelves and find, literally, hair food.     These goodies would do absolutely nothing for my permed hair, and with two textures making their presence well known, I still have to be careful.    Once, I mixed avocadoes, honey and olive oil–a deep conditioner that my natural hair loves.   My permed hair rebelled, and it took me 4 hours (!!) to detangle my hair.   Ouch. 

Undoubtedly, there are enough synthetically processed shampoos, conditioners, etc. to satisfy anyone that wants a simple shop-and-go transition experience in the multi-million dollar hair industry.    But personally, my use of raw, whole foods on my hair parallels what is happening with my life in other areas as well.   In this season, I am much more conscious of raw, whole foods and lots of water, and ingredient lists that I can actually read and understand.   And though the kids have a blast with my concoctions, there is no question that we are all better off for having made the switch.   Not too long ago, a girlfriend at church wanted to know what was going on with me.   She said it with a true sense of wonder, marvelling that my skin was glowing, and loving my hair (now much shorter courtesy of the oldest’s last cut), and on and on.    In truth, there is no major change, and I told her so.   Yet, I also recognize that as I get closer to this next level of who I really am, curly hair and little ostentation, it is undescribably liberating, and perhaps that manifests itself in ways that I don’t necessarily see.

Here are a couple of my favorite links/ articles on homemade hair concoctions.   

http://hairrecipes.homestead.com/hotoilrecipes.html

http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/kinky-hair-type-4a/deep-conditioners-good-enough-to-eat?page=2

http://www.naturallycurly.com/recipes

Though I’m no expert, my only advice to the transitioner would be a word of caution that one texture of hair can thrive on a mixture that keeps the other texture from talking to you for weeks.   Be open, but also be cautious.

A personal favorite of mine is flax seed gel as a curl definer.   One of my favorite young YouTubers walks through a very simple process to get this gel, which far exceeds the results of any store-bought gel I’ve seen.   Plus, you can customize it, adding your own scents and oils.   What product line could beat that?

(The detailed instructions are all in the video, but since I took the time to take pictures, I might as well list it out, right?)

The flax seeds cost about $3-5 at our grocery store.   They were shelved in the health food section.   Incidentally, I found great buys on grapeseed and coconut oil there, too.   Who knew?   You simply heat the seeds in water, which extracts the gel from the seeds.

Straining these seeds is a messy, fairly cumbersome process.  If you enjoy creating  art masterpieces with paper mache, this is the activity for you.    Once the straining is over, however, it’s all downhill from here.

After straining, add your own oils and even a hint of lavender or other scent to make it you.  The oils give shine and moisture.   You only need about a quarter-sized amount of it at any given time, you don’t have to use it daily, and it lasts a long time if I keep it refrigerated after I use it.

I love this stuff, and I couldn’t believe its effect on my hair. 

 

Of course, this is a shot of hair that is still primarily relaxed.    But even on hair that is now natural (as is the bottom 1/3 of the back) the results were superb.

 

I’m about 9 months into my transition with another 9 months to go, if the Lord says the same.   Yeah, I’m looking forward to experiencing more and more of that freedom with each day.

My Natural Hair Journey, Chapter 7: Controlling the Line

In the NFL, coaches like to muster a team’s energy and focus with a certain call to action.    The words are simply, “Control the line.”    “The line” in this case refers to the line of scrimmage–the place where either team tries to gain an advantage over the other by pushing the other team farther away from the line rather than allowing them to cross it and gain yardage.

As I transition from my permed hair to my natural hair, I, too, must control a line: the line of demarcation.   Simply put, it is the line where my newer, natural hair ends and the old, permed hair begins.  

In the picture above, you can clearly see two different textures of hair: a curlier set of strands growing from the root, and the straighter hair that will eventually be cut off.    At the point where the hair texture changes is the unseen: fragile, chemically damaged tresses that can take hours to whip into shape.    Did I mention that 2-textured hair  is also schizophrenic?    My natural hair can enjoy our pantry shelves to the fullest.   My permed hair?   Not so much.   As recently as about a month ago, I decided to treat my natural hair to its favorite deep conditioner–a ripe avocado with a teaspoon of honey and a teaspoon of olive oil.   (It’s a great facial mask, too, for those of us with dry skin).    My natural hair did a happy dance–shiny, silky, and soft.    My permed hair didn’t speak to me for days.   It took me 4 hours to detangle my hair, and I came to the realization that even a teaspoon of honey is too much honey for the relaxed portion of my hair.

It’s no wonder that I meet other women online transitioning to their natural hair, and just as I think I’ve found a comrade in the struggle  process, they write that they’ve either given up altogether, or that they “BC”-ed, or rather “big chopped,” the common hair-board term for cutting all of your permed hair off and beginning fresh with a relatively little bit of natural hair.

Eight months into my transition, there are a couple of reasons that a big chop would make sense at this point.   The first and foremost reason to cut off all of my permed hair would be to alleviate all of what I described above.     With one texture to manage, I would no longer have to worry about whether all of my hair could handle a given product, or whether this particular comb/ brush/ [name your tool] will help this type of hair, but break these tresses, etc.    I could give the hair I want what it likes and needs without regard to how the old hair will respond.   I could pick hairstyles without the anxiety of whether the style is right for me at this season in my transition.   In general, I could experience a freedom that alludes me as of today.

Earlier in my transition, a big chop would have been out of the question.   It’s taken a while to have enough new hair to chop something off and still see possibilities!    Even the picture of my two textures was taken in May.    I have about 2-4 inches of new hair, dependent upon where you are on my head; that’s enough for a nice Angela Davis-like fro. 

image courtesy of http://mulattodebate.websitetoolbox.com/post?id=3331152

 (Then again, maybe not).

Despite all the convenience and ease of care that a natural coif promises to bring, my choice–at least for today–is to continue the more gradual transition to natural hair.    For one thing, I’d probably stay happily married a bit longer (smile).   My husband likes longer hair, and though I could not have asked for a more supportive mate in this process, I realize that this is a transition for him, too.   He likes the softness of my new-found curls, but I also notice that each time I have more of the permed, straighter hair cut off, he has to regroup, to put it mildly.   Of course, how much hair is cut is deceptive, since the curlier hair coils and consequently looks shorter, but that’s all in the mind.   What is visible to the eye is significantly shorter hair.

I’ll admit that I like longer hair, too, making me more reluctant to perform the big chop.   I love the flexibility of being able to pull my hair back if I don’t want to wear it down, and I don’t have to concern myself with all of the styling products since my new hair is still growing in.    I can focus on the health and strength of what I have without the pressure to be glamorous.   It’s funny: when I first began this transition, I had a mental image of me with hair as short as my husband’s.   Since then, I’ve seen head after head of beautiful styles that would fit my personality to a “t.”   Finally, I have enough questions on my own about my hair–what type of hair do I have, what products it will eventually enjoy, and what is the look that I ultimately want (determined primarily by what will allow me to minister most effectively)–to not rush the work that is happening here both inwardly and outwardly.   Also, just as with homeschooling, I’ve had to speak from a place of confidence long before I actually had it.    Thus, I’d prefer to just learn to love this “new me” who looks a bit different each month.

Any given NFL team has up to 18 weeks, including post-season games, to control the line.    With the good Lord’s help, I’m going to take about 18 months to manage mine.   Pray for me, saints.   God bless.

What’s this Whole “Natural Hair Thing” About, Anyway?

I was thrilled when my young friend Elora asked me to write this article for her blog, Puellae Naturali Oasis , or rather, the Natural Girls’ Oasis.   For those who are interested in a more concise summary of why I decided to transition from my perm to my natural hair, enjoy.

 

BTW, here’s a shot of me with our son, sporting a twist-out with my most recent cut.   The oldest maneuvered the scissors–a fact in which she’s quite proud.    I think she did a fantastic job, yes?